


Sketchbooks

by BOLV



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Chapters are small, Deaf Ryder, Disability, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Ryder is a small, Slow Burn, angara are big, arguments ensue, deafness, post-Meridian, ryder has a knack for art, smol ryder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-05-06 20:05:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14655198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BOLV/pseuds/BOLV
Summary: Evfra thinks he feels nothing for her, he only saw her once a month after all. There was nothing between them other than arguing. Jaal wanted her anyway, taking her from him would break his heart, but he can't help it, even if the two of them hate each other and she can't understand him sometimes.Last update: 2/12/2019





	1. Discovering a joy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12999279) by [Everyday_Im_Preaching](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everyday_Im_Preaching/pseuds/Everyday_Im_Preaching). 



The battle for the station had been draining and long, lasting several miserable hours into the programed day cycle, all the way into a night cycle. They were fighting for the good of the Angara, for the milky way species, they were fighting to stop the Archon. For 80 years the Kett, an invasive race, had been abducting angara; turning them into their own. It was agonizing and almost impossibly numbing to be told that it all had ended, that the Archon was dead and Scott saved.

Meridian had been recovered, reconquered, after a battle that dwindled numbers in both the resistance and Kett, and now everything was changing rapidly once more. It hadn’t even been a year Since she’d showed up, the pathfinder and her crew to cultivate Heleus for their own. Ark Hyperion had been established as the main hub of communication and control for Meridian. The Milky Way species were rejoicing. Talk of who would or wouldn’t get Meridian was slowly making its way around the populous. The archon’s remains had been recovered.

 _Ryder’s had_ _not_   _._

It was one of the few hushed conversations that peppered it way to everyone’s ears. Her team didn’t know what had happened to her in the last few disorienting moments of the fight; didn’t know exactly how they’d lost her when she had been right next to them. The chatters were so quiet, and so strained that it was clear everyone wanted to just raise hell and talk about it, ask questions and receive answers, or even give possible answers. Some were already speculating things, good and bad, but mostly bad. What if the pathfinder’s crew was hiding something and that’s why they were quiet? Or perhaps the Archon’s remains were fake and Ryder had been abducted, doomsday-esque; dramatic things like that. People wanted to explode, in both anger and confusion, but they couldn’t, they didn’t know how. Her crew would most likely be the first to push for a full search, they hadn’t yet though, and that’s what made them look like culprits. No one could guess where she’d gone, what had happened, they were the only ones who could possibly have a clue, but they didn’t.

By their account, the battle had been chaos. Scott was held in the archon’s corrupted palm, giving him access to SAM and the remnant. A derelict was shooting at them, remnant appearing left and right. Several were injured, and other’s so exhausted and overworked it was possible that even they were hospitalized, if only to nap. It was possible that they’d lost her in the crowd of robots and blasts, but unlikely. SAM couldn’t find her, and that was the most alarming part. He was integrated into her like sugar and water in lemonade; they couldn’t be separated. He couldn’t talk to her or get a response. Scott was adamant about her being alive, but it was understandable that most were skeptical, there was no proof after all. Not even SAM could confirm if she was dead or alive.

Scott would’ve been up yelling about his sister if the doctor had allowed it. Dr. T’perro wasn’t letting even the nexus leaders see him, not that he’d want to. Scott had refused to talk to Tann until he was willing to dedicate resources to finding his sister, he had completely abandoned her after all. That was another conversation everyone would be having. The new Nexus leader, most could agree that Tann was honestly not cutting it.

No matter, it wasn’t his business anymore, he had no connection to her other than the political one. He was the resistance leader he had no room for the chatter of someone who’d be replaced at some point anyway. The talk amongst his squads and the questions people subtly threw his way were related to one thing: What would become of the resistance, what would happen to the soldiers who would have their families put out of work, and what would become of the angara and the relationship with the milky way species? Meetings would ensue, and he would have to argue. He’d probably end up just some military general after all this was over, or he’d end up being put out work too and spend the rest of his life retired.

He grumbled as the murmurs around him translated, most of it was simple things, gossip about milky way things, the collective and Reyes, Tann. There were a few small chats about what the archon’s remains would be used for and why no one could find Ryder’s. As he rounded the corner he caught view of a shuttle where the Moshae stood to meet him and she noticed him right away, he always did walk with a heavy set and rumbling vibrations. She nodded to him in acknowledgement as he got closer, and he nodded back. They exchanged no handshake.

The first hour of the shuttle ride was quiet and awkward, his inner thoughts trying to block out what he knew was coming. He knew the Moshae, knew her well, and he could tell that she was just itching to discuss the one thing that he didn’t. The topic sizzled in the back of his thoughts, and he was unclear why. He wasn’t sensitive to it, it didn’t bother him and he didn’t care. So why did he seem to want to avoid it so much? She meant nothing, in fact ryder had been nothing but confusing since she’d showed up.  

He received the transmission in the middle of a heated argument with another general, that there was ship in Aya’s atmosphere. He couldn’t deal with this anymore, he wanted it apprehended and he wanted to just find out what they wanted and get them to leave, but that’s not what happened.

Her ship was on fire, her legs were odd, she smelled odd, her eyes were small, she had…hair? He could never honestly figure out it’s use, then again, he’d never bothered to learn.

His first impression of her was that she was overly nice and probably couldn’t shoot anything without asking for its permission first, but she ended up changing a whole lot. She never came to Aya top often, maybe to bring Avela some artifacts or something, but never anything else really, her visits were about once or twice a month, much to his bitter sweet joy. The second time they’d ever talked was different from the first, maybe she’d been tired that day or something, but she hadn’t been nice really. Ryder was bitter some could say, to him she was just acting like a soldier who’d been out for weeks without much rest. Her speech had a tone and anytime someone made an obvious comment or asked her a question that was meant to tease, she shot them a glare, a surprisingly nasty one for someone so small.

Her stance had been off, much less enthusiastic than before, her hair was put up sloppily compared to the perfectly smoothed back ponytail he remembered. When she spoke, she sounded tired and annoyed, she fidgeted, as if wanting to hurry up, he did too.

“I don’t have all afternoon.” She’d said as if she could dictate his schedule, as if  _he’d_  been the one taking up  _her_  time.

That was their first argument, it wasn’t even as glorious as most of his arguments, mostly because neither of them had the energy. The whole conversation had been small nipping insults, most of which neither actually understood the meaning behind, one of them didn’t even translate with him. “ _Bastard_.” She had hissed, he then slurred a line of swears longer than his-

Next to him, the moshae shifted, snapping him out of the small day dream he’d been having to himself. Moshae Sefja turned to look at him and he prepared himself for what he knew was the worst question ever.

“You’ve heard about it, correct?” Her soft, almost tentative voice made him want to cringe into himself and die, she was talking as though he cared, as if he was actually sad.

“Which big topic are you referring to?” He fired back at her with another question, knowing he had a chance the moshae might back off if he acted angry and bitter, but it wasn’t a very high chance. “The Initiative is probably going to want to cut the resistance, and have my men put out of work. Our alliance is thin now. Who’s going to get meridian, are we not going to share? What’s our plan if the milky way aliens overrun our territories and turn out to me more invasive than we thought? I’ve heard it all.” He snapped, turning just so, he didn’t want to look at her.

The moshae was staring at the back of his head, he could feel it and it killed him. “You know what I’m talking about.” Her voice was saddened. The moshae had come to think highly of Ryder, despite her bitter demeanor and harsh honesty. Jaal spoke about how open Ryder was when she’d had sleep (shocker), and how she may not act like it when out in the market or anywhere public really, but she was actually incredibly kind. He was always talking about ryder, and now he’d gone silent, as had the rest of her crew. Not the moshae though.

He sighed, the temptation to play stupid was favorable, but he knew better. “Yes, I’ve heard; what about it?” He ended up sounding harsher and more agitated than necessary.

“You don’t care about it do you?” Her tone said everything that she didn’t, she was disappointed, but also not surprised. “Without the Pathfinder, we’d still be getting slaughtered by the kett. I would have been...” She hesitated, clearly upset with him, more so than he’d ever seen. Before she could start up again, Evfra began over her.

“What do you want me to do? Dedicate resources to help when we don’t even know if they want our help yet?” He hissed with a sourness that he hoped would get her to back off. A small part of him within recoiled at how he was talking. He was thankful for the moshae’s return and that Ryder had helped them end the kett’s torment, but what was he to do? What _could_  he do? He didn’t know what all would happen in the next day or so, it was best to wait before he let’s the moshae dictate.

The rest of the shuttle ride was silent, and he was grateful, he found a renewed hate for talking about Ryder, and he didn’t know why, but even thinking about it aggravated him to no end. He supposed it had something to do with the fact that he wished she were here to keep Jaal happy and to make sorting this new mess much easier, but he also felt it was something else entirely, like he wanted her back for something. Maybe it was a favor he’d always wanted to ask, or a question he never got answered, but it wasn’t important now.

He drifted back to their few meetings, how sweetly annoying the first one was, how polar opposite the second was, and how all the others were a blend. There was a time that Jaal had drug her in just to talk endlessly about all the cool words she’d taught him and what they translated to. When Jaal had gotten to the word bastard, she visibly cringed behind him and looked anywhere but to Evfra. The word was inappropriately fitting.

The only contact he’d had with her before she’d gone to fight the Archon hadn’t really been contact at all. He’d entered her comms to tell her that the resistance was there to help, and she had flashed him a quick, bloodied smile, and then she walked into death. He hated her, but he also, dare he say, missed her? He didn’t miss in the sense of love, he supposed he would just dwell on the small little curses they threw at each other all the time. Based on the small chats he’d had, if they had never been an alliance on the line, things may have gotten physical.

As the shuttle docked at Aya, he happily stepped off to stretch his legs. The ride to meridian was long and agonizing, but he’d have to do it plenty more and he knew it well. The sun had set long ago, judging by the groggy soldiers about, the sun was about to come back up in a few hours, meaning it was the early hours of the morning. He’d usually be at the resistance headquarters by the time he made it home, but he and the Moshae both opted to take the day off. He had never really had days off though, it was always work and more. He was used to piling reports every minute and urgent choices at every turn. Even when he took sick days, he still had an assistant or Jaal bring him work, so he could keep busy whilst recovering, much to the Moshae’s dismay. Evfra had learned patience, and he stretched himself so far that it seemed as though he’d never even heard of the word. He knew how to wait for stealth team’s update, which usually took weeks, but he also couldn’t bother to wait until you finished your question before wanting nothing to do with you. But he for the most part found ways to get him mind of the waits that he sat through from time to time, which is why it was odd that he couldn’t. He was anxious to do something, so get back into the usual bustle and constant troop regulation, but he was also more tired than he’d ever been.

A small nap would help enough, he decided.

After washing up a bit, he slipped into his bed, not entirely wanting to, but his body was relieved. He could feel each tense muscle relax and thin out; he could feel his body flatten and sink into the sheets, letting the warmth consume him. The relief was almost painful, but that was also the best part of it all. The sting and tingle was bittersweet, but the best feeling ever. He let sleep consume him easily, and while he chastised himself for letting work pile up, he told himself that he wouldn't sleep very long.

He Saw only sky, then the ground, and her on the ground. There was an incoherent humming behind him somewhere, someone was talking, it sounded like him, maybe it was. Everything was out of focus, that ground was a blurred image, the other angara in the shuttle next to him. People were running on the ground below him, shooting, only one of them was in focus. Her ponytail whipped in the wind, there was a clear cut on the side of her body, long and deep, had that been there before? He spoke, but he couldn’t tell what he was saying, she seemed to hear him though, and she turned, to give him a smile. It paralyzed him, immobilized him really, he was frozen, everything was a little slower, and then a ringing. The ringing wasn't unbearable, but as it got louder her face began to distort, growing more Grimm and dark. Her smile wasn't a smile, her eyes no longer happy, but were they ever? The battlefield wasn't even a battlefield.

He woke up in the afternoon, his comm system blaring. It was single handedly the worst wakeup call of this week. He sat up, his body aching and whining at him to sleep some more, but he knew well that he had to check this otherwise he'd have to call back and apologize.

He pressed the button, still lost to the pleasant buzz of sleep, he wanted to go back to bed, and never wake up. He didn’t know who he was expecting, and he wasn’t sure if he was surprised that it was the moshae, she sounded tired, perhaps she hadn’t had a nap like he had. Mixed with the exhaustion is a sadness and shock but his fogged mind didn’t really register it.

"She's alive."


	2. Buying the supplies

“She’s Alive”

His sleepy mind state didn't let him register it until she had hung up. He sat in his room, stilled to the bone and staring unwaveringly at his rofjinn. It sat neatly folded on top of his shirt, something simple like that was making him want to vomit and he couldn’t place the reasoning for it. His throat ached with a burn that reminded him of a cold, a pleasant but annoying tingle that made him cough. She was alive. It was now becoming clear what that meant, that he would have to meet her again at some point.

He boiled in the feeling, half wanting to curl up and sleep some more, and half wanting to look in the door way and see her there. He was relieved, a heavy weight leaving his shoulders, but he didn't realize he'd been carrying it. He knew he'd have to see Jaal again soon, and he'd want to talk, probably about Ryder and how she was doing, he didn't plan on visiting her at all really.

The meetings he was going to would be a bit easier now, assuming she was well enough to attend them. He couldn’t imagine how all that arguing would play out without the convincing yell of the pathfinder. Her bitterness always got the attention of the Nexus leaders much better than his. He wondered how someone like her could do it, what with being so small in comparison to other Aliens, himself included.

He shifted the bed and stood, stretching out his legs and back. He needed a shower, he smelled awful, like sweat and blood. The battle on meridian had prompted the need for him participate in it himself instead of just coordination, and it did a number on him. He hadn’t really been in a true fire fight like that since his training in the military, before the kett destroyed it and scrambled their defenses. His muscles _burned,_ and his body wept. He needed to head down to the training grounds more often, and spend time actually quarreling instead of just shouting at his lacking soldiers and ensuing lectures. 

The water was warm, like the sun is on Aya in the middle of summer time. It was humid like the hot springs on Havarl. He hummed at the feeling of the jets of water staying at his back, easing away any tension and stress. His shower was one of the higher end purchases he'd made, but he never regretted it. The jets were designed to spray the water at set speeds, depending upon his bio electric preferences, and it was heaven. He took his time bathing, wanting to avoid having to meet Ryder at all costs, he rarely had shower thoughts, but today seemed to be an odd exception to his unbroken record.

His mind wandered all over the place, touching upon a topic before deciding it was irrelevant, and moving on. There were countless things he had on his mind, ranging from the end of the world to small things like. First it was home. Sure, you could interpret that as him thinking of Aya after all of this, but he was talking about Voeld. The ice planet was set to melt within ten years, and when it happened, what would the initiative do to it? He and most of the angara of this age knew it only as a kett battlefield made of will strengthening ice. The land would be nothing like it is now, even today it was drastically different than it was from a week ago. A mountain, somewhere on the planet, was several feet smaller, and somewhere else, the ice was several inches thinner. They had predicted it to eventually become a heavenly wonderland, like Aya, but Voeld was the angara’s, just like Aya was.

Then there was what would become of the world when the Initiative aliens and the angara finally snapped. Would it be the end of the world? If it was, what he would where to the end of the world, what he would say, how he would act. What if nothing changed at all, and they lived like they do now. When nothing changed, how would he feel? Surprised? Sad? Angry? What if she never was the same again. If she'd been missing for a week and was presumed dead, it's highly unlikely she just popped out of the bushes in perfect condition cause she'd taken a nap.

Something would be off, he could feel it. She wouldn’t be the same at all, and he planned not to deal with that. The idea of seeing her as not her usual bitter, snarky comment and argumenetive self made him feel sort of tingly; the bad kind. Jaal would drag him in no matter his opinion. Jaal was always trying to make him more friends beside himself (did he even consider Jaal a  _friend?_ ), he believed it would dilute his natural bitterness towards people. But Evfra didn’t think Sara couldn’t possibly, in any realm, be a friend. A good person to argue with perhaps, but not a friend.

He shut off the shower, the sudden silence helping him get his mind from her and all of the drama surrounding her.

According to the Moshae, the pathfinder, _Sara_  as the Moshae wanted him to call her, was being transported in an emergency vessel, to _Aya._ He felt sick to his stomach at the idea, so he stayed in his office at Resistance HQ. He would hold himself up in that room until the entire event passed if he had to. The pathfinder had no right to come to Aya’s hospital, it was probably Jaal’s begging that got her here if he was honest with himself.

The sound of the door sliding was more relieving than the sound of Paaran’s voice, his irritation making it sound more shrill than usual. “Evfra are serious?” Her voice was impeccably calm in that moment, Paaran always was good at keeping herself calm in moments where everyone else was a mess. He admired that part of her, but other than that Paaran got on every single one of his nerves twice over his limit.

He turned and hid his surprise as he was met with her being much closer than he’d thought, it was alarming how fast this woman moved sometimes. He gave her nothing but silence as answer enough.

“Evfra she’s heartbroken.” Paaran said with a lighter tone, she smeared softness all over it but he knew the real tone underneath it was still bitter a all hell. After the Moshae had told him about where the Pathfinder would be staying, he exploded. All his anger flowing like a raging river, and he had drowned the Moshae in it. He had done that countless times before though, it didn’t make sense why she was heartbroken now of all times.

“For what purpose is The pathfinder coming to Aya?” He had demanded in a tone that he made sure was dripping with sourness.

“Jaal and I would like you to call her Sara from now on,” Her scolding tone had set off a flame in him, one that only fanned to a point of being uncontrollable. “And she is staying here on Aya until the extent of the damage has been fixed and minimized.”

“ _But why Aya?_ ” He repeated, his tone more demanding and volume growing, “they have hospitals on their nexus.” Every word was like a hiss, like flames, or a snake, both were quite appropriate at that moment. He turned to see her reaction, calm and cool as the weather in their protected little city.

“Aya is protected and according to Jaal, keeping her from the eyes of the public is what’s best for her currently.”

“But it’s not our fault their people are so quick to over throw their leadership!”

“Evfra you know it’s not that!”

“They could keep her on one of  _their_  planets! Why does it have to be Aya?  _Our_  sacred world?” He had visibly snapped, his tethered balance quickly deteriorating to a few small unusable fibers of anger.

Had he not been blinded in that moment, he may have seen the moshae’s break as well. “Evfra she’s done so much for us! She defeated the Archon! Have you already forgotten that without her we’d still be losing, I’d be exalted!” Neither of them really noticed the stares as they shouted at one another in the center of public eyes, all that was on their minds was how wrong the other was and how they themselves were right.

“Will you at least come see her?” She had a plea in her tone, not something the moshae would usually let slip out. “No. Skutt no!” He had hissed back.

“Evfra!” Paaran’s voice sounded again, snapping him out of his memory, for some reason he was starting to get lost in his own head more often than he should. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Will you  _please_  head down to the dock? Jaal is here.” Her voice, like the moshae’s, was desperate. He grumbled and glanced out the window over the city, thinking to himself. He could say he would, then sneak off to his home and sit in quiet. Jaal knew his house password, so that wouldn’t work. He could just say no, but he would most definitely hurt Jaal’s feelings doing that. He looked back at Paaran, who shifted here and there just slightly.

“Fine,” he groaned reluctantly.

As it turned out, the whole of The Pathfinder’s crew was there, not just Jaal. He approached them and realized that they were all much quieter than usual, even quieter than they were when he’d last seen them om Meridian. Jaal always talked about how the Milkyway aliens would bicker, but that they loved each other all the same.

Vetra noticed him first. “Jaal, your buddy is here.” She murmured with a quiet voice, almost tentative, like if she spoke to loud something would spill out.

Jaal turned to lock eyes with him. “Evfra, you actually came?” He sounded astonished, and that punched Evfra in the gut harder than he had anticipated it would.

“Yes, I did.” The two of them were quiet, before Jaal approached him, seemingly unsure of how to greet him in that moment.

“We’re waiting for Sara.” There is was again, her name. The sound of it made his stomach drop hard, but not as hard as the sight of the emergency vessel made it drop.

Speak of the devil and she will appear, practically blanketed by dozens of tubes and hooked up to an oxygen machine. They rolled her past all of them as if running from an earthquake, he barely got a good glimpse before they were 6 feet out of his view. He could tell she was a mess though, her body had been a blur of red. Jaal gripped his arm, alerting him to the crew racing after the medical crew, and his friend was quickly right on their heels with everyone else.

He wondered if he really should go after them, after all he only came because Jaal wanted him there when she arrived, now it seemed he didn’t exist. He wanted to go home anyway, might as well. If he went to the HQ he’d have to pass by the med bay, his office was right above it after all.

Someone placed a hand on his shoulder, and he had to think in that moment, who it could be. He didn’t see The Moshae or Paaran following the Pathfinder team. He turned slightly, so he could see them out of the corner of his eye, he hoped it didn’t look too rude, especially if it were the Moshae.

It wasn’t, it was the governor.

She came up next to him, her gaze set in the direction of where The pathfinder had gone. He didn’t have to have eyes to tell that she was as saddened at the sight as Jaal had been. It seemed everyone around him cherished Her as if she were a god sent from above, and while she was from above, she wasn’t god sent.

“I offered to hold her here on Aya,” The governor said softly, having not looked away from the direction of the HQ. He didn’t know how he should’ve felt at her statement. He expected she had something to do with it, but he didn’t expect her to offer, especially with the limited space.

The moshae came to stand on the other side of him. She was quiet, and the small distance between them was bursting with tension, all kinds of it. She was angry at him, always was, but she was also upset. The Moshae was upset because of a lot, he could tell, from the Pathfinder, to small things like knowing she didn’t have all that long of life left within herself. A lot was happening, and it was weighing on her shoulders heavily. She never moved as fast as she did yesterday, she never remembered as well as she had before. The realization of it had hit her long ago, but it hadn’t hit him fully yet, he knew, but he wouldn’t let it matter for now.

“You two talk.” Paaran removed her hand from his shoulder and slinked off to go meet up with Ryder’s crew.

Neither him or the moshae spoke, it was too tense to, but he placed his hand on her arm and let his bioelectrics try to soothe her in some way. Her’s responded in kind. He never was good with words, especially when it came to apologies. Even now, as he said his sorry indirectly, the small empathetic part of him knew he couldn’t make it up to her. He had done too much, and there was so much he’d seen happen to her that he doubted anything he did could make it up to her enough.

She sighed and looked up to him. Her eyes were tired and swollen, she had cried at some point earlier, and that killed him inside.

“Go Evfra, Jaal will be sad if you don't show up.”

He would do it, if not for Jaal, for The Moshae, to at least help relieve as much of the weight as he could. They would think it for The Pathfinder, but he wouldn’t do a thing for her.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. How it feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we ended up getting my PC fixed sooner than i thought! I'm not really going to have a schedule for this fic, but i will get at least one chapter out weekly, so keep an eye out for that!!

He made his way out of the docks, and into the markets. Seeing all the angara and knowing how many of them were in the resistance, it was a feeling that clung to him. The uncertainty of what would happen next, it was chewing at him. A lot of things were chewing at him, like the anxiety of having to go see Ryder. Why? Because his buddy Jaal needed support. That word soured in his mouth. _Buddy._

He could feel the full body cringe.

They had all huddled themselves in his office. Jaal was pacing about by the window, how dare he, that was his window. The insufferable human named Liam, was imitating the resistance leader at his desk, he stopped as soon as the man himself Walked in. The rest were just generally looking around, being nosy like the Ryder crew usually was. It was eerily quiet, then again it was always quiet in his office, but that was when he was alone. Usually when there were this many people, he was having an explosive argument, but it was as if they were all ghosts, lingering around just to haunt and be a pointless, silent presence that unsettled anyone in the room.

“What are you all doing in _my_ office?” He did his best to suppress the growl threatening to slip out. While he was grateful they weren’t destroying anything, he was still annoyed that they were all waiting in is sanctuary. He stepped forward, they all cleared from his path like a flock of birds, except Jaal. The poor man stood fidgeting, trying to keep it together. The whole event and anticipation seemed to be eating at him, and knowing how worked up Jaal can get, he was practically an all you can eat buffet.

“The doctors still have to see to her wounds, not all of us can be in there for that part,” he took a deep breath, any angara could feel that Jaal’s bioelectrics were going haywire. Evfra approached his desk, he stepped around it, and leaned against the edge, watching Jaal with a concerned look. It resembled his usual expression.

Everyone is the room shifted with Jaal, not in a surprised way, more like a fresh cut had been brushed across and the sting had been expected, but not as painful. They all knew, and Evfra couldn’t feel sympathetic, he really didn’t feel bad for her having her wounded at this moment, it meant having her out of his metaphorical hair. He could however, see how hurt Jaal was because of it. That stung, like seeing Moshae Sejfa’s swollen and puffed eyes. It left a burn he hadn’t felt in a long time. A burn that hurt more than fire or bullet holes.

He opened his mouth, ready to soothe and console Jaal in his own, mundane little way, but he was stopped short when the door sliding open pierced the uneasy silence. They all turned their attention to the door where Lexi stood, data pad in hand, and mournful expression on her face. She looked up, her eyes saddened and stormy. Lexi was just a doctor, but she had grown so close to them and he could tell, she was so conflicted with everything that was going on around them.

When Jaal and Ryder would both wander around the resistance HQ, they would talk and chatter to each other about all that was going on. Jaal would tell her stories of how he came to be in the resistance, and the training methods they’d be put through.

“Don’t tell Lexi about that, she’d have you on that exam table in seconds.” Ryder’s voice always had this natural bitterness to it, like his own, but hers was much subtler, but forced at the same time. The blue angara and the human only ever spoke to the other with the upmost sour tones, neither knew of the other’s good side, or if he had one. He knew she had a good side, albeit it was still a bitter side, it wasn’t near as bitter as she was with him.

And there Lexi came, storming up the steps of the resistance HQ with an angered look that seemed to even scare Jaal. She waved a data pad in Ryder’s face and spoke with a hiss, as if she were an evil beast. “Ryder are you serious? I told you not to leave the tempest.”

Ryder groaned and shifted on her feet, as if not wanting to talk about what ever was happening with her. Not that she’d want to he imagined, she was in the middle of Aya, a planet full of angara, a species who rather not talk about her illnesses. He didn’t expect Ryder to know this yet though, and she had handled it masterfully well.

Jaal had told him and the Moshae about Lexi’s overboard apology a week later. At first she’d seemed simply a doctor who had made a mistake, but Jaal’s one story had started him on one of his usually long tangents about how he loves the Ryder crew to death.

Lexi’s tone was tentative as she spoke up, as if she was afraid she would scare them all, “you’re all free to see her now.”

As expected, despite Jaal being the farthest from the door, he was out before anyone else was. His strides were urgent and long, not entirely running, but more than a jog. Everyone followed in suite, with the same urgency, except Evfra.

Once again, he stood in his office, thinking about if he truly had to go and see her. There was no relation between him and her, so there was no reason for him to _need_ to go. Well, yes there was. He was only there for emotional support though, wasn’t he? As long as he was there to help comfort Jaal, he would have done what he was supposed to right? But Jaal could always get the Moshae to go comfort him, why did Evfra have to go? Jaal actually want him to go and see her as if he was her friend? What would happen if he didn’t? Did she see him as a friend? If Ryder did see him as a friend, what did that mean? His head began to ache, part of him chided that he needed to find answers before asking more questions. Okay, first question: Did he have to go? Maybe he didn’t, he could probably come up with a resistance HQ excuse.

No, he had to. He’d promised himself he would, for Jaal and The Moshae.

Evfra sighed deeply, he straightened his rofjinn, and made his way towards the door. His steps were slower than they usually sounded, as if time had stopped or slowed, just for him to think. He didn’t wan to think though. Each slow, steady step closer to the infirmary made his stomach drop; made him more nauseous. He knew he didn’t want to see her, out of disliking, but he was starting to wander why it was making him so sick to his stomach.  

He rounded the corner to the stair case, just catching the tail of the small group disappearing behind the door. He stopped, his mind was catching up to him again and he had to run away.

The decontamination device that sat outside the Infirmary door beeped, he stood there to let it cleanse him of anything that could be harmful, the green light it emitted reminded him of Meridian, and then he thought fully about it all.

When they’d gone back into the control center, to wipe out any potential left-over packs of Kett. The room was expansive, and while he could understand that during any sort of extremely chaotic battle, but he knew Sara went into vaults all the time, how could she have gotten lost in that room, considering she’d been in rooms much more hazardous.

The door opened and pulled him from his thoughts to continue onward with this miserable obligation. Naturally, it was crowded. Ryder had been moved to one of the bigger rooms, but she still had to be put in one of the smaller rooms due to recovering soldiers taking up most of the space. He passed Olvek and knew he could see how conflicted his thoughts were.

“Going in to see her?”

Evfra stiffened at the question, when said like that it sounded as if they were married. The taste in his mouth turned sour and he glanced to the door, not wanting to go in anymore. “Yeah,” he answered in a voice that he hoped sounded normal.

Clearly it didn’t. Olvek looked at him with a worried expression, and a questioning look. His friend leaned over the counter to whisper to him in a knowing manner. “If your worried about it looking like you and her have a thing then maybe don’t look so queasy,” he smirked, and look made Evfra want to fire him. “It makes you seem extra worried.”

He couldn’t deny that the head of the infirmary was honestly right about that, so he tried to calm down and get his bioelectrics in check and make his scowl more careless than usual.

He walked in, and was honestly a bit shocked, if not horrified.

He expected them to all be at her bedside, saying how much they’d miss her. None of them were at her bedside, not even Jaal, hid friend was sitting in a chair far away from her bed. He looked at everyone for a long while before approaching Jaal. He took a seat next to the angara, but the two were silent with each other. The two turned to each other, and Jaal sighed.

“I can’t look at her, it’s,” he sought to fin the right words, words that didn’t really over exaggerate, but didn’t undermine the feeling either, “painful.” Jaal was fidgeting again, he had been so eager to get in here and now he was so willing to leave. If Evfra had to stand up and come into this room, Jaal would have to stan dup and go see her. It was no secret that Jaal had come to love Ryder, not only as a friend, but intimately as well. He devoted himself to her, sent tangents of him talking about all the things he loved about her to the Moshae. Evfra could get at least a small sense of what seeing her like this was doing to him.

He stood and motioned for Jaal to as well, the two of them walked to Ryder’s bed side, where her brother was, holding one burned hand gingerly. Jaal was practically weeping within seconds, his voice trembling as spoke to her unconscious form.

“Sara, darling one,” Evfra placed his hand on his shoulder, soothing him. “Sara, I’ve missed you so so much.” While angara were naturally open species, Jaal always was a bit more open than most; it was a weakness of his, but also a strength. He could get everyone around him to feel at least something, and it worked on _everyone_.

Evfra had to get his mind away from Jaal’s profession of love to her, it was emotional and Evfra couldn’t be seen getting sad at an injured Ryders' bed side. He looked away from his friend and to her body, or what was able to be seen at least. She was wearing an oxygen mask, and her right leg was covered by wrap that seemed to keep it stiff for healing. She wore a gown, it covered her chest and groins, but had a cut open in the side near her waist for a wound.

The Gash in her side had been there for a week, and the sight if it made him lightheaded. Lightheaded and aching, in his chest. The cut was deep; swollen; infected; and _old_. She’d most likely gotten it during the battle for meridian itself. All he could think of when looking at it was that he’d seen it somewhere, it was so familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

She had suffered burning, mostly on the left side of her body. Her left arm was reddened and raw up to the bicep, her left leg looked the same way up to the top of her thigh where the small curvature of her hips swelled and dipped. Then it got odd, there was a line, an oddly precise line of burns that followed her waistline, they reminded him of claw marks. The texture was rugged and chunky It looked disgusting, as if instead of burns, someone had grated her skin with a mean grinder down to exposed muscle. Her face was oddly peaceful for how fitful her sleep must’ve or should’ve been. The dip where her jaw sloped into the curve of her neck was marked with a similar burn line like her waist. All of her burns seemed like this, seemed purposeful; placed with thought, like making artwork.

He didn’t dare question in this moment where they’d found her, but he wondered why he hadn’t asked sooner. Though It was worthy question considering how suspicious her body looked at the moment. If she’d been found at meridian somewhere, it must’ve been in one of the remnant control entrances, those bots were the only things he could think of that may have burned her. Or maybe the kett.

Jaal was crying now, his body shivering and trembling. Jaal’s bioelectrics were raging, and Ryder’s already burned arm wasn’t faring well with the angara’s tight grip on her hand. Evfra tightened his grip on his friend’s shoulder and gave it a slight tug. Jaal seemed to push Evfra out of his mind, he didn’t really acknowledge his gesture. Evfra tried his small pull several more times, but each time awarded him with a small bit resistance from Jaal at best. He was frustrated now, but he tried to calm down an try something new. “You’re holding on to tightly, you will hurt her.” His voice came out more bitter than he had intended, if Jaal was hurt by it then he couldn’t tell.

He let her hand go, and shoved his way past Evfra, to take a leave. His stature and steps exposed his frustration and sorrow to anyone who couldn’t already sense it in his bioelectrics. All the while Ryder slept soundly, her vitals steady but still low. Part of him was insulted by her; insulted by how she was making Jaal feel.

He _hated_ her for it.


	4. The idea emerges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here, i'm sorry i missed last week, finals and blah. Anyway i have the chapter out for you guys, please enjoy it and inform me of any typos or misinformation.

Jaal was a wreck, and Evfra knew it wouldn’t be easy to get him better. Ryder wasn’t in good condition, as they’d been told earlier. Her pain and injuries were causing his friend grief that reminded him too much of his own. He had left in frustration, and Evfra had chased after him, so that he could be there and prevent any damage. His friend had stormed his way to the Moshae’s small lab. It wasn’t surprising that the first thing she did was chastise Evfra for not doing enough, but what did she want him to do when Jaal was the one who ran out with hot tears in his eyes.

He was quiet, and wouldn’t talk to them, he didn’t want to go and see Ryder either. Evfra could empathize with that, seeing the one you love in a state like that could break you, even if you know they’ll recover and be fine in the end, the image still haunts.

She huffed and turned to the young angara, who’s emotions were a mess and his mind thinking illogically. Her voice was softer when she spoke to him. “Jaal, you can’t sit here and not be there for her.” The Moshae seated herself next to Jaal, he had his head in her hands and was silent, save for his fidgeting foot. His bioelectric field was seeping with sadness and confusion. The Moshae let her calm and soothing field prod his; at first Jaal didn’t seem to respond, but soon he was sniffling and breathing in shallow, labored breaths. She held him in her arms and glanced up to him with an equally saddened and desperate look.

It had been a while since his heart had tugged like that, and it made him uneasy.

He huffed softly, as to not offend his friend, and sat down on the other side of him. All three of them were now sitting on the floor, next to a crying soldier who was worried for his love. The entire scene reminded him of a time he’d forgotten about.

It had been before the kett broke their military, he was a young boy who had joined to make his father and brother’s proud. His family name had a long history of military glory and prowess, so it only made sense that the most bitter of his mothers’ boys would join the ranks. He’d been reluctant though, to say the least, and only did it because he didn’t want to let everyone down. That was when he actually cared about his image, and what his family thought.

His mothers had all expressed concern for his leaving for the combat and war strategy lifestyle his brothers goaded about constantly. For while he was certainly the least expressive and happy of his siblings, he was the most helpful and logical, so at the time he was sure that he was all of his mothers’ favorite. Their worry only strengthened his point.

His first time in real combat was on his birth planet, Voeld. It was at the time of the planets full glory, and the first time the kett had showed. He hadn’t been there for the actual first contact, but he’d seen them around the military base, and he knew right away his didn’t like them, the assault they pulled didn’t help. He couldn’t say the details of what happened, but when the first wall was blown down, he knew his father was dead and the war had begun.

He was running with a group of first ranks, like him, they were trying to locate any higher ups, higher ranked soldiers than them, Anyone. They were running around, paranoid in the dusty ash of the now burning HQ. It had been oddly warm for Voeld, but there was no fire, at least not in their section of the debris. They’d stumbled upon a room that was utterly destroyed, and the color on the floor was sickening. A deep rich blue. It was the first time he’d witnessed someone’s blood, and it was a lot. Though he was mortified, he and the two other Soldiers continued on.

It wasn’t long before they’d finally reached the heated and now cooling battle happening at the center. The gunshots were loud and would have hurt his ears, but everything was an aching hum. It didn’t matter, despite the fear he’d felt the battle cry next to him from his comrade thrilled him.  The three of them rode gallantly into a battle they all thought they’d lose. They didn’t. He’d successfully taken out four or five kett, and it was a rush. His head spun and his ears roared with the lingering hum of gunfire. The smell wasn’t unbearable but was definitely the smell of freshly spilled blood.

One of the other two anagra let out a choking cry, and then a long, painful wail. He turned to see him kneeled down, clinging desperately to what remained of a female anagra. He entire lower half was gone, leaving blue ink like blood in it’s wake. He didn’t know what exactly he felt at that moment, it was a bit of everything. The sight of it all stirred him, but also made him still to a death like state. The fellow soldier clutching what he would later come to know as his sister, and the first woman he’d been smitten for. The rubble, new and still settling. The smell of smoke, blood, sweat, metal. The sounds, stars above the _sounds._ There was the wretched, animalistic wailing of the soldier, the crackling of flames, the distant gunshots, and the fading screams and grunts from inaccessible places just feet away where more were being slaughtered.

He doubled over and vomited.

They were hopeless and tired. It had taken some effort to pry that sad soldier from his sister’s body especially after a good, exhausting vomit. There the three of them sat on the ground, their backs to a wall that could crumble any moment, a soldier comforting a sobbing and broken man to his left. He was holding tightly, keeping a watchful eye out for anything that moved, all he could do was pat the soldiers back.

He breathed and repeated the gesture, carefully placing his hand to Jaal’s back and rubbing soothing circles where his shoulder blades were, his friend’s wails were too similar to what he was remembering. Evfra seethed in the memory he was reliving, and the rub of his hand became almost second nature; he didn’t notice an angara come down to fetch him and Jaal.

They returned to The infirmary, Jaal was reluctant to however, and so Evfra had to really push him to. The room was as still as when they’d left, only there was a shifting Olvek that stood anxiously for the resistance leader’s arrival. Everyone was in the same seats and positions they’d been in, including Ryder and her brother. As soon as Evfra stepped foot into the room, Olvek strode to him with ease like what he’d never seen.   

“Evfra,” He started, just as Paaran made her way into the room, she looked to both of them and nodded in greeting, Evfra just watched.

“Have to told them yet?” She asked with a sympathetic tone as she strode to Olvek, whom shook his head.

“Was just about to,” he answered quickly and calmly. Paaran nodded and continued to go and check on Ryder. “Anyway,” Olvek started once more. “Ryder will be kept here until she wakes up and has finished the mental assessment. However, after that, we’ll have to let her go, we do not have enough room to keep her for full recovery and have more soldiers on the way. She will need somewhere to go.”

Jaal perked his head up, and before anyone else could speak up, his voice slurred out. “She can stay with me,” He was fast, and determined, though his suggestion was more of a demand judging his tone of voice. “Just tell me what all I need to do to nurse her and I will take care of her.”

Olvek and Evfra looked at him, it was a good and reasonable idea. Scott spoke over Olvek before he could give Jaal the details, “Jaal, that is sweet, however, you won’t be able to take care of her.” Jaal’s questioning glance was mirrored by most of everyone in the room.

“Why?” He asked, and the challenge behind his voice seemed to make Olvek stare with a bit of small fear.

Scott crossed his arms over his chest, “You’re not going to be on Aya every day, we still have pathfinder duties and her being injured doesn’t stop that.” Scott sighed sadly. “Tann isn’t going to let her job take a break while she’s here recovering, so she can’t stay with you.” Scott’s stance was lose and tired, he hadn’t sleep, and it was showing.

Jaal’s shoulder’s slacked, and he looked as if he would break all over again. Olvek’s jaw set itself in a conflicting way, he didn’t know what to do to comfort Jaal, He turned to Evfra and sighed. “I’ll let you all talk about this, Me and the governor just needed to bring it up.” With that, Olvek took his leave.

Paaran Shie placed her hands on Jaal’s should and cooed softly. “I promise that whoever she stays with it’ll be someone you trust.” Around the room, Her crew began to shift and murmur again, perhaps discussing where she might have to stay and who would keep her.

“Maybe she could Stay on Eos?” Liam spoke up, his tone was testing, as if he knew his suggestion would be shot down.

As if by fate, Vetra shook her head. “Negative, they don’t have the facilities, and they’re still fighting off pockets of Kett here and there so I wouldn’t trust it.” He stared at Vetra a moment, taking in the structure of the turian. The only alien he had really had encounter with was Ryder, and he hadn’t ever gotten a good look at the few turians he saw. Her voice had a smooth slur to it, and she spoke intelligently, he disliked her the least out of them all.

“So, she has to stay on Aya?” Liam sounded with an offended tone. Scott gave him a slight nod, “Yeah, unless we can find somewhere else with and adequate alternative.”

“Why not Harvarl?” The other asari spoke, Evfra didn’t know who she was, and he didn’t want to. She looked unstable. A black rectangle across her eyes, it was odd. Other than that, she dressed a bit heavier than Ryder or Lexi.

“Ryder hates Harvarl.” Jaal sounded finally, after staying silent. His tone was ground breaking, and it shushed the room. It was then that Jaal looked to Evfra, his eyes were deep with emotion. His friend nodded to him

 as if expecting him to say something, Evfra had no clue what exactly Jaal wanted from him in that moment. “Evfra, you have an apartment here on Aya.” He spoke slowly, making sure Evfra heard him.

He wished Jaal hadn’t remembered that, or even thought it okay to ask. Evfra hated the idea of _her_ , staying in _his_ home. He could only beg for a seemingly untimely death occur, now please. He place his hand on his forehead and sighed, he shouldn’t think like that, not when he knows how much Ryder means to Jaal. He didn’t want to accept, for he knew he probably choke her in her sleep, but he couldn’t say no, it would hurt Jaal. There had to be a way to politely draw Jaal towards a different idea anyway. An Idea that did _not_ involve Evfra at all.

Evfra knew a good counter, “Are you sure she’d want to stay in my place?” Jaal seemed to think about that comment, and Evfra hoped it would work.

“That seems to be the best idea.” Stars above he wanted so badly to shoot Paaran sometimes, she just had to open her mouth. “Sure, Ryder may not like you, but seeing how little options we have, your house seems like the best idea currently. Do you think you could house her until she recovers?”

Evfra would be lying if he’d said he hated the look of pleading that Jaal sent him. While he wanted so very badly to make Jaal happy in this moment, he didn’t want to be in the same house as _her_. He would probably have to get all new household items to accommodate her alien structure and that was only a small problem, not to mention the Ryder crew would want to visit. The thought of these people in his house, it irked him, and he didn’t stop the visible cringe he’d made at the thought.

Jaal’s hurt eyes at his reaction made him cave, he sighed deeply and slouched, defeated. “I guess.” He growled and glanced around at them. He was already coming up with ideas he could use to ward them away from his house, he didn’t want an alien infestation every week. Having a lot of people in his house, much less these people, made him uncomfortable, as he had stated many times before, he was not a social person.

Jaal looked at him hopefully and his friend stood to walk over to him and gave him a tight, thankful hug. Normally Evfra would threaten to draft him for it, but in that instance, the resistance leader felt a rush. He felt good, not the happy kind of good, just a satisfying kind of good, and it had been a while.

The two angara separated, and Jaal’s smile gave Evfra yet another rush. “Thank you friend,” He breathed in joy. Now he couldn’t go and get all sappy in front of these aliens, no no, he had to look every bit of bitter as roasted varren. Evfra Scowled and just huffed in reply, he knew that Jaal could see the fakeness of it.

There was a soft groan, and Scott’s frantic shifting. All three Angara turned to look at Ryder as she woke up.


	5. Blank paper can be intimidating

His head hurt, more than earlier and before that. It wasn’t anyone’s fault really, oh besides  _Ryder’s._ He knew it was too much to hope that she didn’t wake up, and as punishment, fate was being nice today, to everyone but him.

Jaal was ecstatic, and he clearly much happier and frightened than usual.  Ryder’s whole crew bustled and was suddenly full of the life they’d been lacking as they all huddled around her bedside. He stood alone by the door way, like an outcast. He honestly was totally fine with that however, seeing as he would rather be in his office more than anything. Alas, his purpose for being there didn’t allow it.

Evfra grumbled as he made his way to stand up towards the head board, nestled next to a small human with yellow white hair that was shaved on either side of her head. He didn’t have a good view; his mind began to force down a part of him that did. It was natural to be curious about what she’d say or if she would remember anyone at all, but he had an image to maintain here.

Scott was shooting Jaal a small, territorial glare, as Jaal was clutching desperately to Ryder’s only good hand. Everyone wanted to be near when she fully came to, but it didn’t really matter now, Ryder’s eyes were open, and they were breath takingly gorgeous. That humming shuttle and her bloodied smile and lose hair do, it was sticking to him for some reason. He didn’t even notice her eyes in that memory, or even remember their color, but it was now as if he’d painted all the walls in his house with the damn shade of green. Like a healthy leaf on a bush of fresh flower buds that had yet to bloom a beautiful yellow. The deep rich moss green surrounding the edges of her pupil combined with the lovely vibrant green-yellow that faded to the edges absolutely ensnared him. They were so Ayan and alluring, how had he never noticed before today.

Because they’d never been that color, before they’d been a deep soil colored brown that faded into a brighter, browner mahogany. It was a moment of euphoria laid to an unsatisfactory but most needed rest. He’d been admiring the colors of her eyes, but why would he need to? He wouldn’t. A small huff left him as he wiped his forehead. It was just his loneliness getting to him.

She glanced around, her eyes landing on odd objects here and there before finally noticing the faces around her. She blinked a couple of times and Evfra could see the tension in her facial features as soon as they appeared. When she could properly focus on them the look that came across her face was unexpected and seemingly permanent. It was anger, and not the kind of frustration anger, it was a betrayal anger.

A few of the people around her flinched, Jaal was one of them. Evfra could understand their fear, she didn’t look like the happiest person when she was happy, so seeing her angry naturally had that effect. Scott stood his ground however, it was his sister after all.

“Sara? How are you feeling?” There was no sympathy in his tone, he too could see that she didn’t want or need pity at the moment. Ryder’s hand gripped her brother’s in a white knuckled grip and looked him dead in the eyes with a fury that would have made Evfra silent.

Sara didn’t answer but kept looking at Scott expectedly, as if waiting for him to speak. “Sara?” He repeated, now with her looking. She set her jaw tighter and thinned her mouth into a firm line. Ryder had seen her brother’s mouth move and acknowledged it, but still didn’t respond.

Scott stiffened, and Jaal moved in delicately to move his hand and place it on the arm of her bed. Her brother raised his hand and waved it in her face when she began to look away, he got her attention, albeit probably at a cost later. With her patience running thin her gaze on him was purposefully unfocused and malevolent but it didn’t really phase Scott.

“ _Sara,_ ” He spoke slowly, and loudly, so that she’d hear him. “Are you feeling okay?”

Her face changed if only slightly to look even more murderous and a tad bit annoyed. Jaal and Scott continued to try, even telling her that what she was doing wasn’t all that funny. Evfra had to keep from laughing, the entire scene was pitiful really. These two trying effortlessly when the problem was so apparent that it should’ve been the second thing he’d asked her. Good things come to those who wait however, and so Evfra would sit calmly on the off chance that she really _was_ pulling a stupid joke on them for whatever reason. If this was all a joke of course, he most likely wouldn’t need to keep her with him, they could maybe put her on the tempest or something, he had seen her recover from bullet holes quicker than most angara after all.

It was a fruitless venture as the aliens say, and It seemed he wasn’t the only one who realized this. Next to him Paaran shie shifted, and her mouth had opened to say something, but she closed it midway through her thought. Evfra shot her a knowing and amused glance, and she returned it with a plead for the torture to just end. He was more than happy to oblige. The angara stepped closer to her, realizing that Ryder hadn’t noticed his presence at all yet. Jaal and Scott were still trying to _talk_ to her, how ridiculous. He raised his hand to get their attention; stopping them through their attempts and leaving Ryder even more confused and tense.

With Everyone’s attention he lowered his hand to her ear, making sure his eyes showed his knowing smugness. He could see the idea click for a few of them, but poor Jaal wasn’t understanding. Poor Jaal, he always was a bit innocent and grasped onto hope too much at times, it was normal for Jaal to completely block the possibility of something horrible from his mind. Evfra had learned that if you didn’t want it to happen, chances are it already had. Hope didn’t take a liking to Evfra, it never had. All his life he’d hoped only to be let down.

Evfra snapped his fingers in her ear, the sound of the thwap radiated and echoed in the already dead and tense atmosphere. Ryder made no reaction. Scott was even tenser then before, and ultimately stressed beyond his ever-breaking sanity, and Jaal was wide eyed. This put a stop in all of their plans, his included.

Supposedly after Ryder had recovered, she was going to continue as Pathfinder, whether she’d liked it or not. The resistance leader had heard Ryder grumble under her breathe about the head of the Nexus, Tann his name was. He thought stories were just stories, until he met the man himself. The director truly did seem like the man to force a person into a position they would otherwise decline in a hurry. Something had told him That Ryder didn’t want to be the Pathfinder in the First place, but to make her continue without consent? That was just cruel. However, if her deafness was irreversible then she would have to step down, leaving Scott or the white-haired woman to take her place. Evfra knew that the consequences of it were dawning on his blissfully ignorant friend at that very moment. His eyes were swelling, soft streams of tears beginning to run along his baby pink cheeks, and he clutched the bed so that he wouldn’t hurt her. His friend had loved Ryder and always would, what had entranced him Evfra would never know, but he did know that the angara couldn’t stand not going on those missions without her and not seeing her roam the tempest.

Evfra would be stuck with her in his home after all, he inwardly cursed at Ryder even if it wasn’t her fault. If he was to have any alien in his home, he’d rather it was her than any of the others he’s met. She was the most logical and determined, even if she did everything reluctantly. Ryder was a good fighter too, if all her victories didn’t prove that already. That said, he still didn’t really like her, she was an alien after all, and Aya was a territory that he didn’t want them near until the angara could truly rebuild their culture and leadership systems. No one was organized at the moment, The initiative included. Boundaries had to be established. Besides, She was too much like him, he’d even told her that in a small discussion they’d had over the Initiative’s comm system

“My personal code is: I got this.”

There was something about what she’d said that had made him start to consider is he could ever get used to her, there was a small pause where he considered what to say to something so smart mouthy like that. “Bold. A little arrogant. Like me” He smirked inwardly and hated himself for it. “Still, I’ll reserve judgment for now.”

He blinked a few times so as to pull himself out of his own head and back to the mess at hand. Ryder was looking up at him now, and her expression was hard to read. There was a clear irritation that he wouldn’t necessarily call anger considering he had witnessed her angry; he’d admit that it was a bit intimidating and would make even himself pause if she weren’t so small. She was confused and tired, so he could empathize.

Scott waved his hand in her face before Ryder had a chance to lock eyes with him, she turned to look at him with wide eyes and furrowed brows. “Sara,” Scott instinctively whispered, but that seemed to be the last straw for Ryder.

“Why are you people mouthing to me!?” She crumbled the blanket in her fists and sat upright, then quickly recoiled.

Jaal moved to comfort her, and Paaran stopped him. Ryder held her hands in front of her face and clapped, the sound was loud, but anyone could see that she hadn’t heard it. The look on her face was unbelieving and accusing as she looked to Scott, as if they were still somehow playing a trick on her.

“Scott,” She spoke, a bit softer and timid. Evfra could no longer view her features; he could no longer read her. She held her head low to watch her fingers as she snapped them in a rhythm that was she had probably known by heart and it made her brother flinch. She quickly looked up at him, the rhythm stopping.

“See if the Initiative can find a sign language teacher,” she sighed deeply and held her hands steady even though they shook with tension waiting to be released. “Just in case this is permanent.”

Scott nodded and opened his mouth, but the door slid open, and Olvek came in. There was a human doctor in tow behind him, The Angaran Doctor had most likely called him in, seeing as they didn’t know how to treat humans. Evfra began to make his way to the door, brushing past Olvek just as he heard him began to tell The Ryder crew that they had to leave.

As expected, Jaal was the last one to Leave, being even more reluctant than her brother, which was surprising to say the least. When he did finally leave, The rest of the crew had Sauntered off to the tempest, and Jaal was left with Evfra.

His friend was teary eyed and fragile. Evfra really had underestimated the strength of the younger angara, he was sure that any tighter and the boy would have crushed his arm. For the third time that day, Jaal’s little world of happiness was breaking down and shattering. Evfra could barely reach around to rub the angara’s back as he nearly sobbed his soul away into Evfra’s shoulder. He’d have to wash his rofjinn later at this rate.

Evfra sent Jaal to the Moshae, and Groaned his way back to his office, which was soon to be the only place he would get peace, seeing as his home would be invaded by Aliens each month or week. He’s had a feeling that even after the Kett were wiped out he’d still be assaulted by aliens.

His chair had never felt so much better, neither had the desk surface as he let his entire head fall onto the surface. The man was tired, and so very irritated. So much was happening at once, and he was in the middle of it all. Ryder and her place of stay was his house. Jaal’s one person to bring as comfort, was him. Updates on Ryder would all go to and be heard from him. If he didn’t exist, then none of what had been planned out might’ve happened.

By the time he’d awoken from his small fitful nap in his office, it was late. He packed everything and stepped out of the door, there were only a few people, most of them looking as groggily as himself. The streets of Aya were dark, and the sky was that beautiful deep blue, with the dotted with the whites glowing speckles. Stars always made the atmosphere of night his favorite part. It wasn’t that he thought they were beautiful, it was the fact that they reminded him of those late nights in the early resistance days during scouting missions.

They would be deep into enemy claimed territory on Voeld. Lights weren’t allowed, otherwise they’d be spotted; the only lights were the moon and the stars. He naturally got used to the environment and came to miss it sometimes.

The one bad thing about those early missions, was that he didn’t have the same glorious bed he did now. At least it felt quite glorious as he practically died on it.


	6. art fails without passion

He had completely forgotten last night, because it felt good to let a thought like that slip away. It didn’t change anything though, today he would have to make room for his new parasite. As much as he wanted to tattoo that word onto her, he couldn’t. Instead he’d have to get used to her presence when she made residence in his home. For now she was luckily bound to the infirmary, he did need to get up and go check on her though. Forcing himself to get up and do something he didn’t was always a dreary rush, the kind that hit you like a careening ship and made the need to double over vomiting bubble in your chest. 

Just thinking about it put a sour flavor on his tongue.

 There was nothing to escape to. No song in the weave of leaves, no rustling in the soft sprouts of shrubbery. It was as if everything was slowed, his perception included. Evfra De Tershaav, the great resistance leader, had bumped into his counter three times that morning while getting ready. That was just in his kitchen. There was no telling how bruised his foot would be by the time he made it home that evening. 

He made his breakfast and tried his best to eat it, but that morning was remarkably clumsy. He had spilled his morning juice, prompting him to change his shirt and pants before even showering. After removing his clothing he attempted to shower but stepped out and dried himself off before even using soap, so he had to take another one right after. On his way to HQ he forgot his shirt, his  _shirt_. 

The air outside was still and abnormally silent, even for that early time in the morning. Usually he would wake to a soft and subtle humidity that would kiss his skin like a breeze. It would weigh the air down and bring a welcome pressure to his senses, and the smell reminded him of the wet soil from harvarl. It would softly hum in his ear like a deathly quiet but audible howl. It sounded crazy he knew, hearing humidity, but it was always there. Aya was never truly humid, but it was never dry like this either. He could only describe it as that natural buzz in the background of everyday life, that one thing that was never present on a day when everything flipped and tumbled into chaos that only you saw. That sound that could’ve been the earth reminding you that it was there, and that life still moved along. 

Sounds like that helped him get through rough times in the HQ, he didn’t just hear it’s absence, he felt it. The air was dry and heavier, he felt tired and worn though he’d gotten good hours of rest, had a good breakfast, even had time to stop and do some morning stretches. But the blanket that fell over his eyes wasn’t sleep really, it was dread. It was constricting and tight, it didn’t let him breathe any better than she did.

The thought of her was the seed to this head ache, or mind ache. All he could think about was her and how he would live normally. How would he wake up to her in his home every morning and stars forbid, go to sleep with her still  _there_? It would get aggravating right? Or would by some weird flip of fate’s cruel hand, would they get close? Maybe when he saw every morning, he would feel a happiness, or when he would come home from work to her doing whatever hobby she would pursue. He found himself wondering if could just refuse and face the repercussions.

Walking into the HQ wasn’t much better, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as outside. Here there was sound in the air that made it slightly more tolerable, but it still made him feel off, still choked him so that he was constantly aware of the fact that something was wrong. It taunted him with the fact that his body knew about whatever was off, but his mind didn’t. he wouldn’t know if it were right in front of him and made his mind boil and writhe in an uncomfortably tight restraint made of held back frustration. 

It was earlier than he had realized, and most of the angara on shift today weren’t here yet, the guard who often stood by the door to the quarrelling grounds was nowhere to be seen. The importance of such a thing wasn’t high on his priorities, but it still made him enraged, that there wasn’t someone to monitor who went in and out, any number of threats could slip by! Well, no that was a lie. There wasn’t much that would warrant such dire worry. 

He was letting the unsteady stillness affect him. 

Olvek wasn’t there either, but there were still some staff, all of which seemed to be in other rooms at that moment. Ryder was less than twenty yards away from him, but he’d really rather forget about that. Evfra stepped around the small counter and peered down at all of Olvek’s desk. It was neat and tidy unlike his own, it made him almost envious. He wasn’t there to ogle the neatness however, he was trying to distract himself with a task that wasn’t his. Evfra never could be bothered to remember the passcode, luckily, he didn’t need to. Olvek had left the thing unlocked and all the files up and ready. While it was a security issue, he’d have to talk to Olvek about it, it  _was_  tempting to steal a few small glances at a few of the words.

It was a report on Ryder.

All the files were about her, every single one having some information or questions about the pathfinder. His search for an escape had lead him down a trail that only dug him deeper into the life of the very person who grew on him and drained his energy. She was everywhere now, and she surrounded him like a viscous wind threatening to suck him in as it had everyone else. He couldn’t see past the dust kicked up by the Tornado of all that was her and her story, he could only helplessly watch as everyone around him got sucked into the storm of rumors and theories, the blaze of sadness and tension, and  _anger._ Jaal, the Moshae, nameless bystanders, and now  _Olvek_ _,_  they were victim to the curiosity, to the depression and fear and conspiracy. But No matter how much it tempted him and called, no matter how hard the hands of everyone he knew pulled on his sleeves, He would not be consumed by it, he would not let himself get pulled in, he would  _NOT!!_  He knew that he would begin to crave the rest of the story, he’d want to know  _everything_. It couldn’t be denied, none of it could. The question on the bulletin boards, 

the reason why SAM couldn’t find signs of her, 

the reason why her eyes were a different color, 

Why she was suddenly deaf,

the burns and scars that didn’t seem right.

The absence.

He wanted to know just as much as everyone else did-

-What happened to Sara Ryder?

“That’s what most of us want to know...” Olvek’s voice was like a shrill wake up call, something Evfra might have to get used to at this point. He sat up strait in the chair and fumbled for something to do with his hands. He looked to his friend and stood with a sigh. 

“I was thinking aloud again wasn’t I?” He knew it was true, how else had Olvek answered his question?

The green Angara huffed and set a few data pads on his own desk. “Yes, now would you care to explain what you’re doing behind  _my_  desk?” The shift of his hips and the cross of his arms was almost a perfect imitation of himself. He shouldn’t be asking though really, Evfra went behind his desk all the time, to view files and reports that hadn’t been sent. Sometimes to even occasionally pester him.

Evfra scoffed and, with much more emphasis, shifted his hips and crossed his arms over his chest. “Watch that tone Olvek, remember who's in charge here.” He didn’t mean anything bad by it, this was how they talked all the time, and Olvek knew it. Evfra was always amused by this little mouth off they had. Who would win with remarks this time? 

“Oh, I'm sorry please go through all of my files.”

“That’s my job”

“whatever just get out from back there, so I can work” 

Evfra had smile at that, it was a nice change to today’s mood, something to almost make him forget. He stepped out as Olvek shoved his way to his chair. He stopped and thought now, deciding that instead of going and seeing her he’d stall, but with what? All he could think to bring up was Ryder, whom he wanted to avoid any knowledge of. There was that report he glanced at before Olvek arrived though, what kind of secrets did it hold? The words were out of him before he could stop them. 

“What have you found on her so far?”

Olvek looked up at the inquiry, a small glint in his eye. He shifted so that he faced his console, anyone who didn’t know him would think that the look on his face was thoughtful, but Evfra knew Olvek, and he was everything but thoughtful. If anything, Olvek was feelings quite powerful, holding valuable information that Evfra didn’t need, but wanted. Usually the Resistance leader would just look through it all himself when Olvek sent him the files, but these were reports he had no technical need for. Olvek wasn’t required to send him anything. He tapped his foot curtly while sifting through the lines of text to find what Evfra wanted to know. In truth, Olvek hadn’t found anything juicy or new, it was all verbatim. Every email covering the same information in new words, even asking the same questions in different levels of subtlety. 

There were so many obvious signs of something, but just as many hidden ones that no one had found yet. She'd only arrived yesterday, and her thorough analysis was today. Lucky him, he had time to make his guest bedroom the least enjoyable room she’d ever stayed in. Maybe it would make her  _beg_  Scott to let her stay somewhere else. Evfra knew well though that dreams were simply dreams. 

Olvek leaned back, his chair groaning with the effort to keep him up. “I have her initial physical results,” his tone was nothing more than intrigued. 

Evfra set his hands on the desk, his interest back to her. “Her injuries? They did look a bit suspicious...” Evfra thought back to them, red and angry and odd. Oddly artful burns on her left arm and leg, precise lines of exposed muscle on her left hip and along the left side of her throat, near her jugular, and one deep and open wound along the right side of her hip. Infected and too jagged to be on purpose, and in comparison, the burns and lines were too smooth to be on accident. The wounds were so contrasting and different on the opposing sides of her body. The thought of her pain stirred something protective in him. For Jaal, he was protective over her pain because it affected Jaal.  _Right?_

“That’s exactly why I’m analyzing this report so deeply.” Olvek got that look, the look he gets when he’s about to delve deep into something that he knows Evfra would rather stay out of. The glint in his eyes, the slight smirk. He wanted to read those documents, wanted to go just as deep into thought as Olvek was right now. He didn’t need the tease that the Infirmary overseer would no doubt hang over him, he knew how juicy that info was just by how the angara was slowly getting closer to the monitor while reading. That storm was dangerous though, someone had to stay out of it, to pick up the debris of everything left behind after the destruction. He would rather be a janitor than a casualty like everyone else. 

Evfra tended to have bad luck with weather anyway. 

“Well I'll come back to you if I want to hear it,’ he pulled his hands off the desk and stepped back, “which I don’t.” the resistance leader could feel those eyes on his back, could feel the comment hanging in the silence as he nodded to the guard at the door to the rest of the infirmary. The slide of the door was his que to go in, and he was shocked to hear Olvek not say a word.  

“Evfra.” 

He hadn’t expected the Moshae to be here, with another female angara. He didn’t recognize her, or maybe he did and he was just tired, but he didn’t know who she was. 

“Evfra, this is Anja.” the moshae gestured to the small angaran woman, she was young, probably new to adulthood, why was the moshae bringing him a child? Let alone introduce him to her outside the door to Ryder’s room? 

“Moshae, why have you brought a  _child_  back  _here_?” he realized too late that his voice might’ve not come out as he’d wanted it too by the way Anja flinched, he should’ve been harsher. 

Moshae Sejfa didn’t seem phased by his venomous attitude, as usual. She turned to place her hand on Anja’s shoulder gently, soothing her and letting her know that Evfra wouldn’t really do anything to hurt her. “Anja here is a Shelesh sign language tutor, so that Sara can understand our writings and our culture.” 

Evfra glanced to her, she was standing tall, her small rounded face a bit pudgy with her young age and her lavender skin blank, no dark spots from sun exposure, she didn’t have any dark spots from age and wear and tear. He wasn’t sure if he was okay with this, at all. It was one thing to have Ryder live with him, it was another to have a child show up everyday to show Ryder some funky hand signs. There had to be another way to do this, a way to not have this happen. “Moshae, how often will she show up?”

“Three times a week!” Anja piped up, stance suddenly confident and full, one small glance though had her shrinking away once more into her little protective hide behind the moshae. “We were here... to meet her.” She squeaked. 

Evfra sighed, this whole situation was getting worse, he had to do something. “Mosahe, may I speak to you alone?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this story, i needed a break, my pursuit of art has slowed me down and taken up my free time, along with me just being a bit too lazy. I feel like my writing in this chapter isn't as good as my writing in the previous chapters, but i hope you all really enjoy this chapter, and please stay turned and be patient, i have a lot of ideas for this Ryder-Evfra adventure ;)


	7. It's okay to lose progress even when there was none

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit long guys, and i really wanted to get this one out for ya'll peeps, please please PLEASE point out any mistake in grammar and spelling i make and point out any phrasing that doesn't make sense to you guys!! <3

Evfra crossed his arms as they stood in a vacant infirmary room, staring at each other with equal amounts of 'fuck you' radiance. Patients next door could probably feel the intense him of the bioelectrics and he felt a bit awful for stressing them, but he knew the Moshae was better than  _this_. 

“Moshae…” he started but stopped. An ache grew insistent behind his eyes, he reached to pinch the bridge between his nose under the protrusions of his brow bone. He didn’t want her to be serious, but from the way she stood so poised and full he knew she was the most serious she'd ever been. She sighed and shifted on her hips. The Moshae was old and wise, but it didn’t mean she was intelligent, even she let emotions and a long forgotten motherly instinct take over sometimes. He couldn’t do anything about those. 

When he spoke, he made sure she heard him, understood him, and actually registered what he'd said. “You don’t truly believe that the pathfinder,” he paused, lettering sink in the name he used, “the stubborn, indecisive, rude, and explosive and impatient  _Pathfinder_ ,” let it sink, “would be okay with this?”  

She squinted her eyes at him, pursed her lips, and slouched in such a way that showed him she had power over him, but also that she hadn’t understood anything he'd said. She was resorting to “being his elder” again. Moshae Sejfa made a soft hum and then looked at him with more respect. “I’m not sure I understand what you really mean Evfra.”  

He stepped back to pinch that head ache again, the pounding throb behind his eyes making it hard to speak to her patiently, he couldn’t blow up at her, but he never remembered her being this dense. “Do you think she'll so easily accept her disability, that she'll just settle down and get so used to life here on Aya that she'll accept the need to learn our ways? Our culture? Our Language?” His tone, to say the least, was imposing, he wanted the Moshae to realize how out of it she was right now. She couldn’t have seriously not thought of the possibility that the pathfinder would completely deny this entire thing?  

The few things he could gather from their conversations, was that she was like a mountain, immobile and difficult to comprehend the true extent of at surface value. A displaced mountain is not something that can just be fixed by fitting the mountain into a new landscape like forcing a puzzle piece in a place it doesn’t belong, there's always a hole where it really goes, where it truly fits. The original piece meant for the spot now occupied by the mountain is then considered useless, and alone. No one known what to do with it and it sits there considered a problem. Everything gets worse then, everything becomes a problem. The then useless piece doesn’t fit in the hole left by the mountain, and forcing it there puts more stress on the picture as a whole.

He had to get this damn mountain out of his place, so that he wouldn’t be a problem, so that he could contribute and be left alone where no one would change the world around him because it fit so beautifully. 

“How else is she going to communicate with us if she can’t hear Evfra? She can’t lip read because she still wouldn’t understand the words. Her translator did all the work, and now it's gone.”

There  _had_ to be other options, maybe he and Jaal wouldn’t agree on them but they were other options besides this.

“Look, something else has to happen.”

“And What else would happen?”

“Anything expect bringing both a child and someone I hate into  _my own home_.” Evfra let out a breath he'd been keeping  in since last night. “Maybe we could write things back and forth, or have her AI act as a hearing aid? From what little I know and care to know this “SAM” is intertwined into every filament of her being.”

The Moshae sighed in a way he knew too well, she was disappointed in him. Not disappointed in what he'd become or who he was as a person, but disappointed in the fact that he wasn’t in the wrong. “If SAM could’ve been an aid, we wouldn’t be here right now…” She sounded desperate, because somehow, through the little small talks they had, Her and The Pathfinder had gotten close. A kind of close that wasn’t siblings, but was more than acquaintances, and it confused him beyond his conveyable understanding. He could see everything dawning on her, could see the comprehension start to seep into her thoughts. He hated seeing that look on her face, hated seeing her upset like this. She was disappointed in the way the world worked for him; how it seemed to function so unfortunately no matter how kind and generous he was to people. 

He leaned back with an exasperated sigh, his entire head burned and pushed at his skull, wanting release, but he suppressed it; mashed it down into its hole. “Moshae I know you’re worried about her, I realize that you and the Pathfinder have become good acquaintances but having her in my house every day and coming home to see her there is already going to put me at my limit. I _can’t_  have anyone else invade my privacy on a regular basis.” he tried to put a convincing amount of sincerity into his voice to mask the overbearing weight of annoyance in his throat, and he inwardly did a somersault as he watched the Moshae consider his explanation, then turn to him with a newly composed mind judging by the lowering intensity of her bioelectrics. 

She breathed in with a sudden persistence to get a point across. “Perhaps then, we could arrange so that she went to an appointment on a routine schedule?” 

He breathed out, then straightened again, not letting his overwhelming relief show through and make her feel suddenly in control. ‘that would be better for me yes, if it needs adjustment later then we can make the changes along the way to accommodate what we didn’t consider before.” he nodded at the end of his sentence, finalizing their choice. 

They made their way back to where Anja stood, fidgeting and nervous like a young school girl. She was rolling a stray strand of her rofjin in between her index and her thumb. She glanced over and saw them, then dropped her hand and tried to fix her posture, as if it would fix his impression of her. He noticed quickly that the door to The Pathfinder’s room was shut and shadows moving about behind the frosted glass of the door.

“They um,” Anja started to try and explain, gesturing to the door just as it opened and Olvek and Lexi walked out. The asari looked up from a data pad as few more Milkyway doctors filed out carrying large bags with medical supplies attached to them, she straightened herself like Anja had, but Lexi was a much more dignified figure.

“We finished the complete Physical.” She said with a stable tone that made him feel a bit better, knowing that at least  _this_  alien was half as focused as he was. Olvek gently pressed a hand to her arm, the two nodded to each other as Olvek left to his desk and the asari made her way towards him, passing by a rather deflated looking Ajna. He didn’t really mind. “She has many grave injuries, they will need tending to.” Lexi handed him a second data pad, which he glanced down at, seeing prescriptions for slaves and pain medicine, but made sure to keep his attention on the still talking doctor. 

“She will stay here for a few more hours, since her wounds need to be flushed and bandaged. Her things will be dropped off at your home here in less than thirty minutes.” The doctor’s eyes bored into him, as if she were dissecting him to the smallest unit of visibility. Perhaps this was a ploy to throw him off and make him expose his true weakness, he didn’t understand why this doctor would want to do that though. He'd known this doctor to be exploitable and considerate of what people saw her as. He was under the impression that she wanted everyone to see her as a polite and perfect person, but he only saw the woman who indirectly apologized practically at his feet over an issue he didn’t even care about.

Evfra glanced into the doorway, seeing more nurses and aides standing around the Pathfinder, blocking her from his view. He hated how that made something roll within him. “Won’t her wounds need to be washed every day?” He drawled out, thoughtless as he watched all those bustling people, every now and then moving just so he could see a sliver of her skin or her hair. An emotion he hadn’t felt in so long rose suddenly, trying to peak its head out of its den. He snapped out of whatever was gripping him so tightly and looked away, realizing the open endedness of his question, he quickly followed it up with a specification. “ _Thoroughly._ ”

The doctor seemed to catch on to his disdain at the idea of washing her injuries in his own home. “Yes, but you should see Olvek for the rest of this discussion, after all,” she tucked her other datapads under her arms and grabbed a drink she’d set on a table outside near the waiting benches, “This is an  _angaran_ infirmary.” She gave him a knowing look before turning and leaving. Evfra stood There, refusing to let his sinful eyes wander to the room next to him. He'd let something begin to dilute, and now he had to throw it out. Whatever it was that made him want so desperately to  _see_ her was becoming impatient and stubborn, but he was just as stubborn. 

He headed home, with a withered sense of pride and self-worth. Her stuff was there like the doctor said it would be, a small but heavy box labelled  _“Initiative Supply,”_  and one long foot locker sat at the door to his home, a rather small footlocker. The crate was clearly provided by the initiative and was not entirely hers, but was this truly all she had? A single tiny foot locker that probably had a minimal amount of everything inside and an even smaller supply box? He scoffed at how light the locker was as he picked up the metal box, perhaps she had even less than it looked? He picked both items up and waddled his way into his home, letting the slide and close of the door quiet his surroundings from the afternoon sounds of Aya.

He had a spare bed and bath that had come with the place as an afterthought if he ever courted another. That was now a spoiled dream that he never considered anymore. He was old, much older than any of the angaran women he took interest in, and his reputation as a bitter man didn’t help when he was trying to impress people. So, the spare space went uninhabited, the bedroom was bigger than his own and had a larger window in it, so he used this room only for any houseplants he’d acquired over the years. They were the only bit of color within the bland and otherwise lifeless room. Every now and then he’d come in here and open the window during hot Ayan summers, the room would  _always_  smell like the tropical floural scents at those times. At those moments he’d think about moving into the bedroom space, it was larger and more comfortable, but in the colder seasons the room became unbearably chilled and he would have to move the plants to his living room anyway. The bathroom was too small for him as well. A tiny little cleansing stall probably made for younger angara, he was larger than the average size for his variety. The deal breaker was clear at that point.

The resistance leader set the small boxes on the bed in the center of the bedroom,  _The Pathfinder’s room._ The weight of the heftier supply box made it sink a bit into the plush mattress, while the bigger and lighter foot locker sat precariously on the bed, about to be blown away by the breeze coming into through the cracked open window. He moved his large hands along the small surfaces of the cubed box, looking for some way to open it, as his fingers passed over a small indent the top of the metal crate opened to reveal it packed to the brim with what looked like hygiene products. He pulled the first few items off of the top, all of which being different kinds of soap. Two for the human hair, and the rest little bars with different textures, presumably for different needs. There was one thing he didn’t like about  _any_  of them though, the all felt dry and sticky, despite being hard and cold as stone. How did human people use this stuff to clean themselves without discomfort? Or maybe that’s why someone of them always stank, because cleaning was such an uncomfortable experience that they avoided it as much as possible?

He scoffed and set it all aside, deciding to dig deeper into the crate. There was one set of clothes, marked with the initiative colors; another soap product, but this one was in a bottle and looked to have a similar consistency to angaran soaps; an odd device with wire like sticks poking up from one of the flat sides of a paddle-like base, it looked unnerving. There was a strange object made of cloth, well,  _two_  strange objects made of cloth. Both had a strange silk like feel to them, he quickly realized that one was underwear and shoved it under the folded initiative clothing, but the other item was shaped like a pair of odd human glasses, but you couldn’t see through these ones as far as he knew. He picked them up an held the circular shapes to his eyes, looking around and trying to see what would happen, but he saw nothing and felt like a fool, so he set it with the clothes, thinking it one of those items.

Evfra ended up throwing everything back into the crate and placing on the counter in the bathroom.

The footlocker, one of the big mysteries, was filled with practically nothing. One of the few items in there was something made from a fibrous substance, it was a sweet palmy brown color. He felt along the smooth edges of it, a piece of a corner here and there would be splintered and would feel oddly rough compared to the rest. He felt with precaution the little indents of carved words into the side of one the thickest planks, and surely, turning it over, there was a combination of human letters. He was hopeless to what they said, but somehow how the meaning had reached him, whatever this thing was, it was a special item that she cared for. He leaned it against the base of the bed, and rummaged around the empty box, and found 5 small tubes, all colored differently; a small amount of brushes, all varying thicknesses and textures, and a piece of paper with a note on the back. 

He flipped the note over, finding it to be a photo, on paper of all things? The photo showed a younger Pathfinder standing in front of a framed painting with a on odd blue, white and red pendant of some kind placed on the bottom left corner of the piece. She was in front of a window and the piece sat on a stand that looked incredulously like the big thing he had leaning against the bed. It seemed taller in the photo, or The Pathfinder was just smaller. 

His eyes wandered over to the window, it over looked a world he’d never known, and was suddenly so intrigued in. Her world. Though most of what lay beyond was obscured by light he could make out something that was so foreign, yet so familiar and recognizable. It was a tree, large and proud, spindlier than the ones they had in Heleus but just as big and green. 

He set the photo down on a side table near the bed, a small flowering plant was the only thing on it, and the photos placement next to it seemed so artistic in the moment. He glance to the doorway, seeing no one there, and feeling a bit disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should i post little sections of the next chapter in these end notes? maybe end of making a game out of it if ya'll enjoy it?? ;) -BOLV

**Author's Note:**

> Hey i kinda wrote this on a whim, I've never done this before. I wrote the first chapter while watching the jungle book so i was having an emotion fest. This isn't beta read yet so please inform me if there any typos or odd grammar issues. Depending upon the feedback i get, i might actually dedicate myself to this.
> 
> Comments and kudos guarantee more than one chapter a month, shows that y'all want more!!  
> (Anonymous commenting is on please give me all your feed back<3)


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